Believe

I believe that true beauty, is confidence and a full embracing of one's flaws.

I believe that a smile truly is contagious.

I believe that friends are an asset to life.

I believe that you can't do everything on your own.

I believe that recognizing you're weak is one of your strongest moments.

I believe the eyes are the windows to the soul.

I believe in looking past the exterior.

I believe in walking in someone else's shoes.

I believe even the dull have their stories.

I believe in listening, not just hearing.

I believe in the sparks of a kiss.

I believe in second chances.

I believe knowledge can be misleading.

I believe society is not always right.

I believe in the individuals.

I believe hurting gives you strength.

I believe time mends, but doesn't erase.

I believe in wishes, dreams, and hopes.

I belive in believing.

9/22/08

Our greatest prejudice is against death. It spans age, gender and race. We spend immeasurable amounts of energy fighting an event that will eventually triumph. Though it is noble not to give in easily, the most alive people I’ve ever met are those who embrace their death. They love, laugh and live more fully.
-- Andy Webster
Hospice chaplain in Plymouth, Michigan.


I have learned to not fear the inevitable. It is a well practiced waste of time.

We worry so much on things that can never change, that in the end we have burdened ourselves useless.

We are the lead cause of our

irritibility
anxiousity
depression
nervousness
and altogether our general displeasure with ourselves and our enviroment.

So I challenge you to put aside what you can not change. Embrace it and do not let thoughts of it consume you. Be at peace with yourself and in that discover bliss.

No, this is not applause for predestination. There are some things that are designed to happen no matter who you are, your occupation, your race, or your philosophy. They are written in nature and have been so since creation. If you know you can't change them why concern yourself with them? Why become your own limited boundary?

The challenge stands.

The results are gold

Daphne Loves Derby (and i'm still afraid of love, while they sing me into spilling)

"I'm desperate to say now 

I need you now more than ever,
But all I could say was goodnight."

I'm holding on to this moment

you keep dangling in front of me 

Maybe in forever it will finally be better

but tonight you're all that I can see

you can say it's true

and i'll hope the lie is not there

i'm just afraid that i'm fooling my mind, 

just blinding my eyes

pretending it's more then you want it to be

try and be true, to let real feelings through

please take another piece of me

so much is already missing

i'm really trying to give you everything

but it's so hard when i'm not all there

and it's not like other guys haven't told me they meant everything they said

I'm at a point where I can't tell between the fakers and the genuine

because no one has ever been genuine

I'm a bitch, I have trust issues, can you truly handle me?

I'm all for taking a chance

but am I ready to take the risk that could take it all?

"Sleep well darling"

This Is Me Not You

We all make stupid decisions. Somewhere, written in our genes it reads that one has to make at least one dumb, unexplainable choice at some point in their lives. Most of us tend to excel at this and make them constantly, all the time, whenever they have a chance to.

That's me.

I just love making mistakes. Or so you'de think by the amount I produce.

Looking into my past I can pick out every wrong decision i've ever made, but I wouldn't take them back.

Every wrong choice has made me who I am now. I'm stronger for them and i've experienced a lot through them. So others can feel free to judge what I've done, do, and will do. But I honestly don't care. Mistakes make a person, and if you haven't made them then you're a


FAKE

I'm not afraid to live life for every moment. I'm not afraid to give out chances.
I'm afraid of missing out.
losing out.
missing you.
dying before I got the chance
i'm afraid i'll never get to see the smallest parts of the world. Hidden away with lost cultures and beautiful minds with new ideas.
I'm Afraid i'll be stuck in this smalltown forever. Destined to a mediocre death.

Lost in my Head

“So I fall.
I don't wanna feel this small.
You know I just can't handle this,
handle
this at all.
And so I

f
a
l
l

I let my heartbeat drop.
I falter as the music stops.

And you watch me as I stall,

And wonder when I fall...”

-Something Corporate

I'm not used to someone else, an outsider, a well known stranger, having this much control of my emotions.

I hate feeling and I hate admitting he has such a domineering affect.

And yet i'm addicted to it. And I don't want to remember what life was like before it. And i'm not willing to let it go.

And yet I adverse it.

I'm confused.

and i'm not sure I ever want to be burdened with clarity again.

Experience is one of the best teachers. And the more I take this into consideration the better student I become. Sometimes, instead of immediately trying to solve we need to step back and learn, something not in our nature to do. Instinct says go, but life requires the occasional pause. When we don't pause and take that extra time to reflect we end up overwhelming ourselves andtorturing our minds. We are more beneficial to ourselves when we let life be the driver and are content sitting the back looking out the window.

"It's Hard to Ignore it feels Like Summer all the Time"

The wedding is next week. I'm trying hard to see it as gaining a friend instead of losing one but things just aren't the same.

When did we grow up? I want it to stop.

Sort of. I guess it has some perks but it is definitely more complicated. I like complicated but I will admit I miss some childhood adventures.

No one plays in the mud anymore.

I tried once. Maybe a year ago. But making a mud pie for yourself when your 18 doesn't obtain the magic of before.

I miss him already. He's only been gone a day and it's not like he won't come back. Maybe i'm afraid while he's gone he'll have time to think and realize how crazy it is to be with me. It's not like i'm easy to deal with. In fact I can be a psychotic and total bitch. I don't think he's seen that yet. Here's hoping he can handle me.

Maybe if I knew what I wanted. I never know. I can't decide. Desicions are so definite, and definite is forever and that is a whole mess of repitition.

But right now i'm pretty sure I just want him. Cause it's been awhile and i'm not running away and i'm still happy despite everything. Things aren't perfect and i'm ok. The complications are nothing compared to this new feeling i've just started to know.

"I'm making plans not to make plans while I'm here And this life has been no holiday, a complicated situation I'm fine with all my memories "

"And time, time it stops for no one The seasons come and go and that's just time Yeah time it stops for no one The seasons keep on going Whether or not we're blind And time, time it stops for no one The seasons come and go and that's just time Yeah time it stops for no one The seasons keep on going Whether or not we're blind" -Jack's Mannequin


Is summer really over?

Tired

I am a the point of sleepiness where you're not actually functioning.

I've let instincts take over and i'm depending on them to get me through school, then work.

Complete zombie zone.

I like him enough though that the lack of sleep is worth it. He makes me


Smile

Alot, whenever I see him, when I hear from him, or my phone vibrates. Badsically all the time.

And this time i'm not scared of my feelings. No more running away. At least not yet. I'm hoping and praying it doesn't end like every other time. Please let me have just this.

For once I don't want to be the reason I lost it.

Why

As soon as things get repetitive the frustration begins.

Most people hate change. They worry about how the differences will affect everything they're used to.

I can not find any comfort in things remaining the way they are forever.

It scares me.

Frightens, Tortures,
Teases, and
Overwhelms my thoughts
completely.

I find i'm always looking for an adventure, just to fight falling into that boring lull of everyday life. Sometimes I notice this doesn't always have beneficial results. But even if it sucks it's still something



Different

Anais Nin:
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.